I found Hell on Earth

…wait…food…sustinance…a shower if I have the strength…then I may be able to tell my story…

Okay so I was SO tired last night I couldn’t shower, I could barely manage to fall in to my bed. I hope I’m able to convey my story in a way which you will understand the HORRORS of what I went through…

“Hot Yoga”  my little sister mentioned. SHE wanted to try it. I told her I thought it was admirible, but it sounded horrific. Needless to say I found myself going with her last night.

105 degrees  I’ll let that sink in…

“…105 degrees and we ask that you don’t leave the room until the very end of class.” They said.  I was terrified. Just walking into the room was torture for me and I didn’t know how I would work out in such conditions.  I paced the hallways, went to the bathroom twice, and finally commited. I walked in. They shut the doors behind me.  All I could do was stand helplessly on my mat while I gulped water.

A skinny, hairy man taught the class. I knew the type. I’m no stranger to yoga, but this wasn’t your momma’s yoga. His voice wan’t the soft calm voice of a yoga instructor but rather fast and bossy, like an auctioneer. 

I found that movement was my friend in this furnace. When I moved, I could create a small breeze. We went through the different standing poses and I found myself enjoying the class. I’ve always loved yoga, I love that it’s personal. You must only work at your own pace. Everyone seems to have their own strengths and weaknesses. I had many weaknesses this night.  Usually I have great balance. But my chi was thrown off by the heat! Then we went down to floor poses. I thought this meant the class was almost over. I spent the next 45 minutes struggling to survive this class…

I’m reminded of this road trip I took with a loser ex-boyfriend.  He drove a junky little Toyota with no AC.  We drove from California to Yuma, Arizona, in the summertime, with no AIR CONDITIONING!  We had these gallons of water with us in the cab. They were supposed to be for the radiator. In my desperation I started pouring the water on us as we drove. To me it was quite hilarious. It annoyed my loser ex-boyfriend. He didn’t want his back all sticky. This brought me much delight, and made me pour more, and laugh harder.

I really wanted to pour what contents I had left in my water bottle over my body. I don’t know what stopped me. I was already drenched with sweat from every pore of my body. I felt like Ebeneezer Scrooge in the Disney version, of course, where he’s pushed into a firey grave. I almost started shouting in delirium…

“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on this stone!”

Finally after much inner torture the teacher declared “Namaste.” I practically ran into the fresh air.  I felt a bit nauseous on the ride home.

The worst part is my little sister LOVED it and is ready to sign us up for the next 4 months of classes. Maybe I need to give it a chance. Maybe the first class is the worst? I don’t know. I’ll let you know how the journey goes.